HOW TO HANDLE POLYGYNY

By

Mubaarak Olayemi Ismail 

Dear Umm, 

You may not love to hear us discuss about this matter, but we've got no choice than to discuss it, it run across our life and religion matter daily, we have to do. 

Firstly, know that it's the creator of both man and woman who permitted polygyny, he actually have the absolute knowledge that polygyny is good before he permitted it and your Imaan may be affected if you let your jealously turn to hatred towards what Allah permitted. Be careful ma!

Secondly, you don't have to take the news of a co-wife badly, it's not a death sentence! When the news that a new wife will come in reaches some women, they felt betrayed and sees it as if their husband is telling them that they are not competent, while many see the act of taking another wife as an act of ingratitude from the husband, you shouldn't take the news like this! It's absolutely wrong! He still loves you. The prophet married several women after Aa'isha but Aa'isha remained the most beloved to him. 

You can only lose it when you withdraw your former responsibilities simply because another woman is here, the new women will take your lagging as an advantage to secure a large palace in the heart of your husband. May you stay in your home to take care of your children.  Don't lag, you won't lose. 

We've heard many instances of situations where the new wife couldn't cope with the 'Romeo and Juliet' relationship between the first wife and the husband, and many of them had to opt out. 

You may have hawked garri to support your husband during your trial times, and he's built a house now and he came home with a damsel, upon all you've done? Just chill, you may feel that he's ingrate but that's not the case, it's nature! Men are greedy and there are never contented (Hey, men, I'm not sorry to say such), be patient with him and know that all you did is for Allah and not to him, Allah will surely compensate you with your children. Go and listen to the story of successful men, they are the children whom their mothers faced trials with their fathers, a huge reward awaits you, don't destroy it by recounting the favours you did for your husband. 

Also, don't let the news of thaaniyah make you lose your dignity, your body should be like this after those children had fallen from you, you are a mother already - not like that young girl , you shouldn't be going for hips or breast enlargement, you shouldn't be forcing heavy makeups or desperate dress on yourself, your husband didn't marry another woman because you lack those things, I tell you! It's nature! Even if he had married cossy and Lady Gaga, he will still marry another lady, don't turn yourself to an animal because of that! 

Likewise, don't turn yourself to a phone police that will be monitoring all outgoing and incoming calls upandan, leave him, don't give yourself hypertension, if he wants to do it, he will do it - no matter how often you keep his car keys, don't give yourself hypertension - antenol is now costly, hypertension may also leads to stroke. This life is too sweet than to kill yourself oo. Take a Pepsi with malty biscuits, life is still sweet. 

Lastly, don't see the other woman as a theif or a gold digger, no one actually wishes to eat a left over, but it's situation that made oyinbo to shit for latrine. Be patient with her, you may even become good friends. 

May Allah ease our affairs