Header Ads

Header ADS

RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS: ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE (2)



By
Ibn Abdillaah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

[Continuation]

Mother and Daugter In-law Relationship

A mother in-law should keep her daughter in-law close to herself even if she tries to withdraw herself. A mother in-law should let her daughter in-law feel loved. It is not easy for a young lady to just leave her father's house and move to another environment that is entirely new. The change in environment in itself usually have some psychological effects on newly married women. So, they have to be treated with a lot endurance. They should be pampered. They should be given a sense of security. They should be assured of a better life. They should be treated with a lot of patience. I repeat, a lot of patience!

The young ladies are new in the system, they need a mother in-law that would move close to them, observe them, talk to them and make them feel they are part and parcel of the new family. On the need for parents to guard their children before and after marriage and avoid creating problem between their sons and their wives, Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen رحمه الله said

"The parents must be good to their children since they are among their kin and nurturing ties among them is obligatory. So it is not allowed for them to harm their children by creating problems between their son and his wife. [Fataawaa Islaamiyyah Vol 7; P320]

However, a wife too must be very careful and cautious in dealing with her mother in-law. She should be respectful and be of good character towards her mother in-law and other relatives of her husband. In many cases, relationship between a wife and the mother in-law determines whether a marriage would be successful or not. We are in a world where a mother in-law will suspecting evils from her daughter in-law, and vice versa. Some wives dare not cook for their husbands. The mother in-law wouldn't take it lightly. If this must happen, it must be done secretly or by her permission. This is a great evil that is very common in our society. In some cases, the mother of a husband and the mother of the wife do not want to see one another. All of these evils are created by lack of sunnah oreintation in our society. The Messenger of Allaah said in a hadith, reported by Abu Hurayrah رضي الله عنه:


((لا يدخل الجنة يأمن جاره بوائقه))


"He would not enter paradise, one whose neighbor is not free from his evils"

At the initial stage of a marital affair, a wife should watch how she addresses her mother in-law because the first impression lasts forever except in some few instances. Some wives are sharp mouthed and they can insult anyone, no matter who the person is. Women of this kind tend to find it very difficult to relate with mother in-laws and other relatives of their husbands, and this could destroy their marriage if proper care is not taken. There are some derogatory comments that if passed towards a woman who is old enough to be one's mother could lead to serious problems. If a woman's tongue is too sharp, she may not last in her husband's house. Abu Shurayh Al-Khuzaa'iy رضي الله عنه reported that the Messenger of Allaah said:

((من كان يؤمن بالله واليوم اللآخر فليقل خيرا أو ليسكت))


"Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, should say good things or keep mute" (Muslim)

There is no part of the body to be guarded more jealously than the mouth. A wife must not stand on giving replies to whatever statement that comes out of the mouth of her mother in-law. Before a wife utter any statement of insult towards towards her mother in-law, she should ask herself first, would she have directed same to her own mother? A man will not be happy if his wife raises her voice to insult his parents. A husband must not also disrespect his in-laws too. His wife will not be happy with him if he insults her parents.

Respect is reciprocal. The relationship between a mother in-law and a daughter in-law should be of mutual respect. As a wife is expected to watch her tongue towards her in-laws, a husband must also watch how he addresses his in-laws. Some men have the gut to insult the parents of their wives. This is a sign of irresponsibility and ungratefulness.

In a hadith reported by 'Ali رضي الله عنه, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says, the curse of Allah is on four (4) persons. One of such persons is someone who curses or insults his or her own parents. This is our point of reference in the hadith. But it is beneficial to state other three (3) persons mentioned in the hadith so that we can learn more and exercise caution: the one who slaughters other than for Allaah (without proof from the Qur'an and sunnah); the one who habours or gives protection to an innovator; and the one who alters land boundary marks.

As regards people who curse or insult their own parents, it should be understood that anyone who curses another person's parent, and that parent curses his or her own parents in return, has cursed his or her own parent. This hadith is in Saheeh Muslim. Therefore, a daughter in-law must refrain from insulting her husband's parent, and a husband too must refrain from cursing or insulting the parent of his wife in order not to be among people that are cursed in the hadith.

Mother In-law and Daughter In-law Rivalry

Some mother in-laws see their daughter in-laws as rivals because they want to really know their status in their sons' heart. Some mother in-laws are usually faced with the apprehension of whether the daughter in-law would come and turn their own sons against them. So, they always want to have their way on all matters at all cost. They always want to establish their supremacy at the initial stage of a marriage. They will say: "nkan t'eyan o ni gba l'olowo, ko ma gbaa ni talaka" (what would not be condoned in time of affluence should not be taken in a state of poverty).

Really, they are not to blame because they often feel they have trained a grown up man who now got married to another woman that is more close to him. So, they are somehow jealous. It is usually a sincere jealousy anyway. But once they are convinced that a daughter in -law is not a type that could turn their own sons against them, they become calm and relate with the daughter in-law in the proper and appropriate manner.

It is a matter of common knowledge that some women usually pray not to meet their mother in law alive after marriage. How would these kinds of women feel if their own daughter in-laws to be also pray for their death before getting married to their sons? A Muslim should not wish for others what he doesn't wish for himself.

Due to this and some other cruel mentalities, some mother in-laws go to the extent of checking from soothsayers, whether the lady coming to marry their sons would not become dominant over their sons. On this basis, they kick against some choice of ladies brought by their sons. This is a form of desperation and kufr. It should be discouraged by all means. A mother in-law should rather pray for the best daughter in-law and be sincere in her demands and expectations.

The most important thing to note here is that both the mother in-law and the wife have special and separate positions in a man's heart. The love man has for his wife is not the same as that of his mother. So, the kinds of rivalry we see these days between a wife and a mother in-law are unnecessary. Each person should maintain her own lane.

The level of maturity, understanding and wisdom of a man play a major role in this matter. Some men lack adequate wisdom on how to deal with the rivalry between their mothers and their wives. If a man mismanages this important process, it could destroy his marriage because he will be settling disputes on daily basis. Sometimes, the cordiality of the relationship between a mother in-law and her daughter in-law depends on the maturity of the husband.

To be continued in sha Allaah...

13 comments:

  1. جزاكم الله خيرا

    ReplyDelete
  2. Envision investing epic measures of energy with an individual and afterward at last thinking that its difficult to confide in them. This is likely what makes most relationships develop into develop dating relationships. poly dating sites

    ReplyDelete
  3. One of the greatest and most breathtaking aspects of psychic readings would be that the field is diversified. psychic near me

    ReplyDelete
  4. Some of us may have a fear that being a strong individual will cause problems or separation and may eventually push us away from one another. However, this is not true in a healthy relationship. 밤알바

    ReplyDelete
  5. There are reasons why connections fall flat and once these reasons are perceived early, you'll have a superior possibility of sparing your disturbed relationship.mens hair cuts

    ReplyDelete
  6. Therefore, in healthy relationships, choices are very important,, and the generation of options opens the possibility to growth and creativity. Choices are not threats. Cock and Ball Bondage

    ReplyDelete
  7. simultaneous localization and mapping (SLAM) and OBSTACLE RECOGNITION So you need to get into graduate school. This is turning into an inexorably bigger objective for goal-oriented youngsters, since a profession in law offers regard, wealth, and dependability. In the post-downturn time frame, with the economy yet to recoup totally, there are many hopeful understudies wanting to land an astounding vocation as a noticeable attorney.patents on simultaneous localization and mapping (SLAM) and Lidar obstacle recognition

    ReplyDelete
  8. here is another reality I would need to cause you to comprehend. In some cases when individuals begin having issue in their relationship, they as a general rule excuse themselves from being the reason for the relationship issue, they just observe a more prominent level of the issue in the other individual.signs that he loves you deeply

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is free for women, while men can receive messages for free and sign up for a premium membership to be able to reply. couple looking for threesome

    ReplyDelete
  10. The best Christmas present is one that will give someone many hours of fun, won't go out of fashion quickly, and will make them feel good to be alive. However, that will mean something entirely different to your grandfather than to your lover... who'll hopefully think 'Sex!' as soon as they read those criteria! Sex toys are a fab gift for Christmas... something that will really help a special someone to relax and feel good about the world. But what should you buy? We check out the most gift-worthy toys available today.남자자위기구

    ReplyDelete
  11. A blog that mushroomed from visual illumination.
    오나홀

    ReplyDelete
  12. The emphasis is on you as an individual and the driving inquiry inspiring this relationship is: "Is this individual Mr./Ms. Ideal for me? Is it conceivable to understand every one of my necessities in this relationship?" https://www.mybollywoodescorts.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tolerance simply means being able accommodate, being able to condone no matter what. Are you so disciplined that you don't take shit from anybody?Kamagra Jelly

    ReplyDelete


Powered by Blogger.