SCORE: ABU 3 - 0 UMMU (MARRIAGE FICTION)

By

Aboo Banaat

A man and his wife had a quarrel in the morning so neither of the two parties broke the silence till evening. His wife prepared an average food for dinner, after everyone had eaten including her husband, she thereafter went to the kitchen and prepared her husband's favourite dish with a very strong and enticing aroma, you know what, she ate it all alone with a big grin on her face. Her husband was though hurt deep inside but he still remained quiet. 

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When his wife noticed that her husband still refused to break the silence by requesting to have a taste of the meal, she devised another plan, when they were retiring to bed, she adorned herself in a way she had never done before, revealing salient parts of her body and she laid on the bed like an angel, when her husband saw her, he was moved but he still maintained his stance of not breaking the silence, though he spent the whole night counting the ceiling since there was food beside him which he couldn't eat. 

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The next day, they were not still talking to each other, he devised a plan too to pay his wife back in her own coin, fortunately he had a large amount of money at his disposal at that time, so he began to make calls in a loud tone so that his wife could hear him, he started calling various friends of his to come and collect so and so amount of money as a gift from him to them in the spirit of charity. People kept trooping in mass to visit him so as to benefit from his sudden bonanza, as more people kept coming, his wife grew mad and even 'madder than before' but she couldn't utter a word since she doesn't want to be the first to break the long silence too. 

Until he finally said: 'Ehen, oh I almost forgot, let me even call my Nosimo to come and collect 100k out of the remaining 120k while I keep the remaining 20k for other miscellaneous expenses and liabilities till next salary.'

His wife screamed: See, who are you calling a liability?   I am now a miscellaneous expense to you abi after I gave you my heart and body? 

Him: Hoo, did I call anybody's name, Sombori cannur share money in peace again? 

Her: you are distributing our hard earned sweat abi? 

Him: am I not the only one working in this house, who are the 'our'? 

Her: sha fear Allah o, you want to give my second 100k when you know I have things to buy and many basic needs abi, because I didn't talk since morning abi. 

Him: Noo, point of correction, you didn't talk since yesterday. 

Her: ehn you know am your loud speaker now, you are my hero and knight. The only okoro in my okorocha. Oya bring that 100k let me help you count it. 

Him: Kai women and money. See her head. 

Her: oh thank you, as far as 100k don enter my hand, if you like beat me sef. 

Him: well I was just joking, the 100k is for our children's school fees. 

Her: what? And you were sharing money to people since?   Infact am not still talking to you.!!!