PAYING BILLS AND ATTENTION IN MARRIAGE

By 

Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

Some people are just glued to their ignorance of the principles of marriage. They are not ready to learn marriage according to Sunnah because they don't want to change. They see anyone who applies the rules as "idiots".

Men are not only expected to pay the bills, they must pay attention to their women. Some men don't even pay the bill, let alone paying attention. Then, many men think once they pay the bills, paying attention is secondary. Allāh will ask us all. 

Some men hide under the nature of their job to deny their wives the needed attention and companionship. Some women are also guilty of this. Their business is paramount to them. The children have taken the place of their husband. They don't take good care of their husband. If you can't create time to attend to your spouse, you have no business get married. Marriage is beyond money and comfort, it requires bonding and companionship. No one can be as busy as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, yet he had time for his wives. You can imagine the Commander in Chief and the Imām of the Ummah that will exist forever, having time to joke and play with his wives. So, who are we not to give our women the needed attention? The best of us the best to his household and the best of us to his household was the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم.

I was at settlement of a marital dispute yesterday and we were there for hours because it was difficult to resolve. Part of what later gave us success was the presence of two elderly men who spent most of their lives in Kano. They blamed our men here for maltreating women thinking they will get away with it. It was a case of polygyny where the man neglected other wives and focused his attention on just one of them. The wife said sometimes, she wouldn't see him for more than 3 months. I hope you understand what this means. This kind of scenario are many in our society. The two old men said they have four wives each and they take good care of them because they know the implication of not being good to women and injustice. I learnt a lot from this seating. One of them said, and I will never forget, "it is not that hausas know Islam more than us, but they follow the shar'iah". This is in agreement with one of the commonest statements of Dr. Sharaf حفظه الله that, "Yorubas accept Islam, but not the shar'iah". 

Allāh says:

(نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا لِأَنْفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّكُمْ مُلَاقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ)

Your wives are a place of cultivation [i.e., sowing of seed] for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers. [Surat Al-Baqara 223]

The orientalists have used this verse to paint Islam bad misinterpreting it to mean that women are slaves that should be treated by men anyhow they like. But unfortunately for them, in the same verse, Allāh said "And fear Allāh and know that you will meet Him". Ibn Kathir رحمه الله interpreted this to mean that Allāh will hold men accountable on how they deal with their women. This shows that the preceding part of the verse is talking about treating women with care and kindness and not slavery.