MARITAL SEX AND PROBLEM OF FRIGIDITY

 

©Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

According to Cambridge Dictionary, frigidity is defined as "the condition of not becoming sexually excited or not enjoying sex". This is common in many women and it can be as a result of several factors. 

Frigidity is a psychological disorder that could adversely affect the enjoyment of sex by a couple. For instance, women who are afflicted with miscarriage either once or severally may not find sex interesting due to fear of having another miscarriage if they get pregnant. 

According to experts, childhood trauma relating to sexual molestation or any other thing close to it could affect the sex life of a woman when she get married. As in the case of all forms of sexual problems, frigidity also has solutions if couples are ready to seek guidance through appropriate channels.

Some women have been fed with the thought that sex is something painful and this thought remains with them till the first night of the marriage. The kind of apprehension they have when it comes to sex is unexplainable. The problem becomes more serious when the size of her husband's penis is in issue. 

The fear of penetration and size of a penis can make consummation very difficult for some couples. This is one of the reasons some couples would stay together for months without penetration. There are new couples who only do foreplay. When it comes to penetration, the woman is not ready to risk it out of fear. This is one of the best ways to decribe frigidity. When her husband attempts to penetrate her, she closes up the vagina out of fear of pain.

Consequently, it is important to disorientate newly married and soon be married women on frigidity. There is this cultural belief that sex will be painful for first timers. This could be true, but it becomes a problem when it is exaggerated for frigid women. Before marriage, while growing up, some women are made to believe sex is something dirty or painful. This can affect the psychological state of some women towards sex. It could be very difficult to control if this impression is taken into a marriage. 

Similarly, women who have had painful sexual experience previously from rape may naturally become frigid when approaching marriage and consummation. The painful experience can continue to affect a woman perpetually to the extent that she would always feel nervous when it is time to have sex. 

Frigidity can make a woman to contract muscles around her vagina when penetration is about to take place. This can obviously make penetration difficult for her husband and painful for her. Women affected by frigidity might find it difficult to get wet no matter the extent of foreplay deployed due to the fear of harm or irritation. 

Therefore, there is need for reorientation of women on this myth to ease their minds regarding penetrative sex. Talks on marital sex in a way that a bride would be looking forward to it should be encouraged using appropriate avenues. Qualified and experienced women should speak to soon to be brides in ways that the pains associated with first and subsequent sex can be demystified.

The husband of a woman who has the problem of frigidity needs patience to walk through the journey. A husband to a first timer also needs patience, abundant lubricants and extra-ordinary foreplay. For a frigid woman, getting used to sex is a gradual process and her husband must be supportive. By the time she adapts to it, the husband will enjoy her afterwards. 

It is not proper for couples suffering from this problem to be in haste. It is just as a native proverb says: “anyone who is in a hurry to lick hot soup would burn his or her tongue and it may become difficult for him or her to enjoy the soup when it becomes cool”. Then, some patients of frigidity may need the services of psychiatrists with considerable knowledge and experience on sex and matters relating to it.

Read more in Halāl Sex and Intimacy. Your comments and observations will be highly appreciated. 

ABOUT THE BOOK

Issues relating to bedding, mating, love-making or sex, which spouses find extremely difficult to talk about - and which have irredeemably torn many peaceful marriages into pieces - are given a comprehensive, step-by-step analysis in the book, *HALAL SEX AND INTIMACY*. 

For couples who have been in marriage for years; the ones whose relationships are still young; and those who just got enrolled into the institution, reading through the pages of this painstakingly researched and meticulously written treatise would apparently make sex a new experience. It is no dull moment from its beginning to its end, as the words used are clearly simple and frankly nailed. Give it a try, and you would never regret you did.

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