ILL TREATMENT AS A CAUSE OF HYPOACTIVE SEXUAL DESIRE DISORDER (HSDD) IN A MARRIAGE

By

 Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is a state of persistent absence of sexual drive or fantasies in a man or woman. One of the major causes of this in a marriage is poor treatment between husband and wife. For instance, when a party is not performing his or her duties and responsibilities properly, it can affect sexual relationship in the marriage. Couples must motivate each other treating each other nicely. 

One of the purposes of marriage as mentioned in Qur'ān 30:21 is tranquility. Sexual intercourse is one of the major components of tranquility in a marriage because it helps the two parties to fulfill their sexual urges and release hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine. The release of these hormones are vital to human health and general well-being.

To attain tranquility in a marriage, the two parties must perform their roles as imposed by the sharī'ah diligently. No one can score 100% in his or her duties in a marriage, but at least, they should strive to be above average in the performance of their duties. Couples are generally advise to avoid high expectations from each other. Therefore, if a man or woman scores between 60 to 65%, he or she has tried. Even anything above 50% May be okay. His or partner should manage as long as the situation does not extend to some dangerous red lines like persistent infidelity, verbal or emotional abuse and domestic violence. 

Irresponsibility in a marriage either on the part of the man or the woman can affect marital sex negatively. A man may find it difficult to have sex with a stubborn, untrustworthy ungrateful or disobedient wife. On the other hand, a woman may not be moved to have sexual intercourse with a man if he is grossly irresponsible (not providing considerably), untrustworthy, abusive or violent. This is just natural. No one loves to be treated badly. 

However, HSDD is more pronounced in women than men because they can be very emotional. Generally, man may still struggle to fulfill his sexual desire with a woman he is not pleased with even if it is to avoid blackmail. But when a woman is not treated well, she tends to switch off completely as far as sex is concerned. Arousal for sex becomes very difficult for her no matter how the husband stimulates her. Most times, she will want to reject sexual advances from her husband. But if she is the type that fears Allāh, she may reluctantly allow him to have his way, but she will not participate. It will be a case of the man is forcing himself to just to have his way. Deep down her mind, she is not pleased with the sex. In fact, she might need to shed tears after the intercourse. She allows the sex out of the fear that she might be punished by Allāh if she rejects intercourse from her husband. 

My advice for couples facing this type of problem is to seek counselling to resolve the matter. 

May Allāh guide us aright.