GIVE YOUR WIFE THAT ATTENTION!

By

 Ibrahim Olatunji 

Many men complain about their wives not dressing well at home, only for them to put on good cloths when going out. This is usually true for women who get all the compliments outside amongst their women folks  and nothing of such  just like the saying "Women love to be seen, and the men love to see".

In some other case scenario, the lack of attention gets so bad that the woman eventually doesn't even care what her fellow women folks would say again, she stops being feminine. Allah described women as a being who naturally love adornment,  Allah said:

{ أَوَمَن یُنَشَّؤُا۟ فِی ٱلۡحِلۡیَةِ وَهُوَ فِی ٱلۡخِصَامِ غَیۡرُ مُبِینࣲ }

a creature who is brought up in adornments (wearing silk and gold ornaments, i.e. women), and who in dispute cannot make herself clear?[Surah Az-Zukhruf: 18]

Have you ever imagined as a man that it could actually be your fault she is acting that way?

There was this great companion of the prophet called Uthmān bn Madh'ūn, he was one of the richest amongst the Quraysh clan. When the prophet was raised as a messenger, he accepted Islam and migrated to madeenah when it became compulsory. 

Out of the love for the bliss of the hereafter promised by Allah for those who are ready to do great deal of act of worship, just like Allah promised:

 { وَتِلۡكَ ٱلۡجَنَّةُ ٱلَّتِیۤ أُورِثۡتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ }

That is the Paradise you are made to inherit because of what you used to do. [Surah Az-Zukhruf: 72]

This is why you see many beautified jilbāb today, it is actually feminine, although we still need to always caution them on not making their jilbāb to require a other jilbāb.

Uthmān bn Madh'ūn became engrossed with acts of worship, he was said to perform tahajjud all night  and fast all day. He was so engrossed in acts of worship that it was reported he at some point asked the prophet if he could castrate himself so that he wouldn't need to feel sexual urge again!

Al-Imām Adh-dhahabī mentioned this in his siyar when he reported from Sa'eed bn Al-musayyab that

he said: I heard Sa'd say: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) rejected 'Uthman bin Maz'un's request for monasticism, and if he had permitted it, we would have castrated ourselves.

 قال سعيد بن المسيب : سمعت سعدا يقول : رد رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - على عثمان بن مظعون التبتل ولو أذن له لاختصينا.

Our mother a'ishah reported that the wife of Uthmān bn Madh'ūn was a woman who loved to apply the henna (on her hands) and beautify herself, the she left all of that. 

She visited me, and I said to her: Is your husband around or he traveled? . She said : He is around but he is like the one who traveled. She said Uthmān doesn't love anything of the world, and he doesn't have any affection for women. 

Then the messenger of Allah entered upon me, so I informed him. He met with Uthmān and said to him; do you believe in what we also believe in? He said : Yes. The prophet said : Then what example are we to you?!!

, كانتِ امرأةُ عُثمانَ بنِ مَظعونٍ تَختَضِبُ، وتَطيَّبُ، فترَكَتْه، فدخَلَتْ عليَّ، فقُلْتُ لها: أمُشهِدٌ، أمْ مُغيبٌ؟ فقالت: مُشهِدٌ كمُغيبٍ، قُلْتُ لها: ما لكِ؟ قالت: عُثمانُ لا يُريدُ الدُّنيا، ولا يُريدُ النِّساءَ، قالت عائشةُ: فدخَلَ عليَّ رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ، فأخبَرْتُه بذلك، فلقِيَ عُثمانَ، فقال: يا عُثمانُ، أتُؤمِنُ بما نُؤمِنُ به؟ قال: نَعم، يا رسولَ اللهِ، قال: فأُسْوةٌ ما لكَ بنا. رواه أحمد وهو صحيح.

In another report in the same musnad of Al-Imām Ahmad, it was mentioned that it was the prophet who noticed her unkempt appearance. 

Our mother a'ishah said:

Khawaila bint Hakim bin Umayyah bin Haritha bin Al-Awqas Al-Sulamia, who was married to Uthman bin Maz'un, came to me and said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) saw her disheveled appearance and said to me, "O Aisha, what's wrong with Khawaila's appearance?" I replied, "She is a woman without a husband, who fasts during the day and stands in prayer at night. She has neglected herself and wasted her life." The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) sent for Uthman bin Maz'un, who came to him. He said, "O Uthman, are you turning away from my Sunnah?" Uthman replied, "No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, but I am following your Sunnah." He said, "I sleep and pray, fast and break my fast, and marry women. Fear Allah, O Uthman, for your family has a right over you, your guest has a right over you, and your own self has a right over you. So, fast and break your fast, pray and sleep."

دخَلَتْ علَيَّ خُوَيلةُ بِنتُ حَكيمِ بنِ أُمَيَّةَ بنِ حارِثةَ بنِ الأوْقَصِ السُّلَميَّةُ وكانَتْ عِندَ عُثمانَ بنِ مَظْعونٍ قالَتْ: فرأى رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ بَذاذةَ هَيئَتِها، فقال لي: يا عائِشةُ، ما أبَذَّ هَيئَةَ خُوَيلةَ! قالَتْ: فقُلتُ: يا رسولَ اللهِ، امْرَأةٌ لا زَوجَ لها، يَصومُ النَّهارَ، ويَقومُ الليلَ، فهي كمَن لا زَوجَ لها، فترَكَتْ نَفْسَها وأضاعَتْها، قالَتْ: فبعَثَ رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ إلى عُثمانَ بنِ مَظْعونٍ فجاءَه، فقال: يا عُثمانُ، أرَغْبةٌ عن سُنَّتي؟ قال: فقال: لا واللهِ يا رسولَ اللهِ، ولكِنْ سُنَّتَكَ أطلُبُ، قال: فإنِّي أنامُ وأُصَلِّي، وأصومُ وأُفطِرُ، وأَنكِحُ النِّساءَ، فاتَّقِ اللهَ يا عُثمانُ، فإنَّ لأهْلِكَ عليكَ حَقًّا، وإنَّ لِضَيفِكَ عليكَ حَقًّا، وإنَّ لِنَفسِكَ عليكَ حَقًّا؛ فصُمْ وأفْطِرْ، وصَلِّ ونَمْ.

The companions of the prophet were people who doesn't think they understand the religion better than the prophet nor think they can outdo actions of the prophet,  Uthmān retraced his steps and the wife go her femininity and beautification back. A woman whose husband was very rich! What was missing was the affection and obviously actions of the other room.

In a narration, Abu Musa Al-Ash'ari رضي الله عنه was reported in Saheeh Ibnu Hibbānhe as having said : Uthman bin Maz'un's wife entered upon the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and they saw her in a bad state, so they asked her, "What's wrong with you? There is no man in Quraysh richer than your husband." She replied, "We have nothing to do with him. During the day, he fasts, and at night, he prays." The Prophet (peace be upon him) entered and they mentioned this to him. He said to Uthman, "Don't you have a good example in me?" Uthman asked, "What do you mean, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "You pray at night and fast during the day, but your family has a right over you, and your body has a right over you. So, pray and sleep, fast and break your fast." After that, the woman came to them beautified and looking like a bride. They asked her, "What's the news?" She said, "We have become like everyone else," meaning they had returned to a normal life like other women whose husbands take care of them.

عن أبي موسى الأشعري: "أن امرأة عثمان بن مظعون دخلت على نساء النبي ﷺ فرأينها سيئة الهيأة، فقلن لها: مالكِ؟ ما في قريش رجل أغنى من بعلك، قالت: "ما كنا منه من شيء، أما نهاره فصائم، وأما ليله فقائم، فدخل النبي ﷺ فذكرن ذلك له، فقال له: يا عثمان، أما لك بي أسوة؟ قال: وما ذاك يا رسول الله فداك أبي وأمي؟ قال: أما أنت فتقوم بالليل، وتصوم بالنهار، وإن لأهلك عليك حقاً، وإن لجسدك حقاً، فصل ونم، وصم وأفطر.

قال: فأتتهم المرأة بعد ذلك عاطرة كأنها عروس، فقلن لها: مه؟ ما الخبر؟ فقالت: أصابنا ما أصاب الناس، يعني رجعنا للحالة الطبيعية مثل بقية النساء الذين لهن أزواج يهتمون بهن.

 رواه ابن حبان 316، وصححه الألباني.

What keeps some of us away from our wives and families are not even praiseworthy things sometimes, we can always do better. 

THOSE LITTLE COMPLIMENTS COMPLIMENT HER.