NEED FOR WIVES TO BE PATIENT WITH THEIR HUSBANDS IN TIMES OF HARDSHIP

 

By

Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

17th September 2024

This is a time of patience, a time couples need to be patient with each other to ensure that the purposes of marriage are achieved. The situation of the economy calls for calmness and understanding between husband and wife. What some men do to feed their families is not easy. 

While preparing for the kids' school resumption yesterday, I had to buy fuel at a filling station and I saw hardship clearly written on the faces of people I met there, especially Okada ryders. They need to go through the street of queueing to buy fuel, risk their lives riding motorcycles on main roads under scorching sun or heavy rain to be able to feed their families. They cannot afford to steal or cheat to make ends meet. With the kind of stress some people go through before they can take something home, I wonder what will happen if their wives display acts of ingratitude or lack of contentment towards them.

Therefore, more than ever before, wives need to know that things will not be rosy all the time for their husbands. Hunger in a marriage can just be a trial from Allāh and perseverance is one of the virtues of a marital relationship. It is a woman who endures hardship with her husband that can say "we suffered together" as women normally say. 

Women are not on the same level when it comes to the matter of endurance of hardship. Some of our Mums then used to prepare "luuru" (soup of Al-jannah☺️ as known in Ilorin) without stew or meat for us to eat "tuwo" made from guinea corn. They will cook it with pride and confidence, and this didn't make us feel anything was going on. Therefore, hunger in a marriage should not ordinarily lead to martial dispute if the husband is trying his best to provide and he is doing well in some other aspects of the marriage.

In one of the Mawaddah Radio Programme episodes, someone called in and said: help us to appeal to wives to take things easy with their men who are going through economic problems, and we did. I also added that significant percentage of the population of the country is going through economic hardship. We really need to understand one another in order not to take wrong steps that we would regret in the future. Almost everything is expensive and the thought is, "how are the very poor people coping with their wives and children? But one thing is constant: after hardship, there is ease.

As Muslims, let us learn from the wives of the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم who also experienced hardships (including hunger) under the best of mankind. According to scholars, the situation got so bad that for days, there was nothing for them to cook. This is one of the greatest trials on the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and his household. Allāh could have provided everything for them, but He didn't in His wisdom, and they had strict rules on what they can eat and what they cannot eat. This is only means that this world is nothing. The hereafter is what we should prioritize. 

In some verses of Sūratul Ahzāb, Allāh addressed the wives of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم with strong words, giving them the option to choose between the temporary enjoyment of this life or Allāh, His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and the Hereafter. He سبحانه وتعالى said:

يٰۤـاَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُلْ لِّاَزْوَا جِكَ اِنْ كُنْتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ الْحَيٰوةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِيْنَتَهَا فَتَعَا لَيْنَ اُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَاُ سَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَا حًا جَمِيْلًا

O Prophet, say to your wives, If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release. (QS. Al-Ahzaab: Verse 28)

وَاِ نْ كُنْتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ اللّٰهَ وَرَسُوْلَهٗ وَا لدَّا رَ الْاٰ خِرَةَ فَاِ نَّ اللّٰهَ اَعَدَّ لِلْمُحْسِنٰتِ مِنْكُنَّ اَجْرًا عَظِيْمًا

But if you should desire Allah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter - then indeed, Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward. (QS. Al-Ahzaab: Verse 29)

The wives of the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم selected the second option and they were the best of the women in the sight of Allāh. Wives who focus on the hereafter will take things easy with their husbands when they are unable to provide reasonably. They will understand the test of Allāh, and seek His help through patience and supplications for a better life.

May Allāh continue to guide us aright.

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