WIDOW'S PLIGHT

By

Mubaarak Olayemi Ismail

(Aboo Muhsinah)

The death of a loved one is often traumatic and could adversely affect a person, either Man or woman, But our society makes it sound that the nature favours a widower above the widow.

A man who lost his wife tends to quickly get over it but women who their husband dies are much more affected when such things happen, problems of insomnia, high blood pressure, sense of neglect, sense of lost, fear of the unknown set in all at once in a terrible shock.

Widowers can re-marry early enough after the demise of their wives but if a widow should try to get married so early, people would start to see her as a lady that lacks chastity while others begin to suspect her if she's had a hand in the death of her husband

A widower can decide to get married at any time he believes he is ready for it, even at any age. Incase of a 70 year old widower the children would feel concerned and most time arrange for a young woman for their father because they believe that their father should not remain alone, But reverse is the case of a widow even if she's just 30 years old, if care is not taken she may remain single for ever.

Many people are of the opinion that when the husband dies, the sexual emotion of the wife should die with her husband. She should never venture or dream of any serial act with anybody. She should see her children as her husband!

Why should we be deceiving ourselves, the position of a child remains constant, i.e. Child-mother relationship, why should a child turn to be the husband? The role of the husband is quite different and vital. Husband is the husband, he has sexual and other roles to play which is forbidden of a son to play in all ramifications.

In case of a widower, people won't preach to him to take his daughter to be his wife, rather they quickly organize and get a damsel for him.

Apart from sexual needs, every human needs someone to discuss with, to share views and feeling with, because problems shared is half or almost solved. The widow still needs someone to partner with her in life and look after her children. Many children that involve in crime because they lack parental care, some as a result of the death of their father and there's no one to look after them or caution them when they misbehaves.

Widows should be look up to, and we should help them. Men intending to take another wives should marry the widows (I'm not saying it is compulsory upon them). And wives should allow their husbands to marry the widow, they should not be over possessive, Allah owns our soul. They shouldn't disgrace or blackmail the widow their husband is intending to marry. They should feel for them and put themselves in their shoes.

May Allah ease our affairs