WERE SHE YOUR DAUGHTER OR SISTER...?

By

Sanni K. Yusuf

A terminal illness got him down and was hospitalized almost endlessly. He was returned home after an exhaustive hospital billing. He was left only to the mercy of the mosque, as family members weren’t close by to give a helping hand to his wife of two kids and an upcoming in foetus stage. 

The pitiable woman became the breadwinner through a menial job that fetched her some meagre earnings – a job that sometimes required night duty. From the little money and assistance from brethren, the ill hubby and the children were quenched of hunger and other obligations relatively catered for. The struggling poor lady had noticeably emaciated to pity, yet she was carrying a baby in her womb. 

Unfortunately, the woman could not thrive in her striving to up her husband to recuperation. So, the man died, painfully, the day after Eidul Adha. The widowed pregnant woman had a bouncing baby girl a few months after. The naming was done low-key with members of the mosque in attendance.

Hmm! The widow in question is still in her 20s – a glaring indication that there is the need for another man in her life, except she decides to remain husbandless forever, which arguably, is not only bad for her health and well being, but may get her foisted into adultery on account of sexual urge. 

I ask: ‘Who and where is that so-pious and big-hearted bachelor that will consider the widow for a wife’? Have I said it’s not possible? Nooo! Who am I to say that? I’m not a pessimist, but a realist. The chance of a widow of three kids (irrespective of her charming beauty) getting glued to a bachelor in matrimony isn’t only slim but very close to impossibility. If such does happen, it will be one out of hundreds. And if the bachelor would on the ground of sympathy or love consider marrying the widow, weird war from parents and painstaking pressures from sisters, aunts, friends etc. might get him discouraged. And the gentle man may even be seen as acting under spell. 

The case of this widow (and many other factors) is the rationale for the commonsensicality of polygamy. It is just natural. Any woman or lady who kicks against polygamy has obviously not suffered what the aforesaid widow has or is suffering. Pray that such should happen to you so as to have a feel of the agony widows go through. I bet, you will instantly retract your gaffe. If the widow had equally goofed against marriage to more than one wife, now is the time she would succumb to the rationale for polygamy.

The surest person for the widow, without doubts or sentiments, is not a widower, but a married man. A widower may even prefer to pick on a spinster for another wife. So the idea that widowers should marry widows is absolutely irrational.

What about the touching tale of a young lady who was reported to have clocked menopause at 23. This is no fiction. It was recently narrated at a public lecture by the Deputy Director of a general hospital in Lagos. He said the diagnosis was practically carried out by him.

According to him, the lady and her mother exhausted the fluids in their eyes when the bad news was cast to their ears. They cried because biologically speaking, the lady could no more conceive pregnancy, let alone give birth to a child. He added that at menopause, sex is hell for the lady and the man, as the fluid that eases free flow of the manhood in the lady’s genital will have completely ceased. This implies that as the man will not enjoy the copulation adventure, the lady will feel nothing but pains.

I ask: ‘If the lady wasn’t married, should she remain single for the rest of her life? If she was married, should the husband not enjoy sex for the rest of his life’? Hmm! 

Rationally, the lady may be married as a second wife. And if she is married, the husband may get another wife to fulfil his sexual urge. Such is the rationale for polygamy.

Allah says: “Marry of women… two, three or four. But if you fear that you may not be just, marry one…” Suratun-Nisaa: 3