THE "OUR WIFE" SYNDROME

By 

Khadijah Folake-Sanni Tijani

In trying to be nice, some women have sold themselves out for a lowly price. The result is that those who are "not-so-nice" will be seen as snobbish, proud or disrespectful. 

Allaah enjoins kindness to kith and kin, neighbours, wayfarers and even, animals. However, there are limitations and ethics. You should treat your husband's parents like your own, but you shouldn't submit yourself to the point of enslavement. Brothers-in-law are particularly problematic, because they tend to display that sense of entitlement and freedom to treat you as "our wife". 

As a muslimah wife, you need to know your bounds and let everyone know, without appearing saucy. 

"... and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex... ". (Quran chapter 24 verse 31) 

As a muslim husband, you need to respect the bounds as ordained by Allaah, and this translates to respecting your wife's privacy and honour. You can't give your brothers free access to your home now that you are married. 

The Prophet was reported to have said, "Beware of entering upon women." One of the Sahaabah said to him, "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-in-law?" He said: "The brother-in-law is death!" (Al-Bukhaari)