SEXUAL MOLESTATION

 

©Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

Some problems are better prevented than beginning to look for remedies when they occur. One of such problems is sexual related issues. Our society is such that we don't want to talk about sex and we are killing ourselves silently with this. In my research, I was able to discover that the Western world faced the same problem until Masters and Johnson broke the jinx in the mid 50s. Anyone who has gotten my book must have read about them. Therefore, it is not just an African or religious issue, it is a general human instinct to want to make sexual discussions exclusively private. There are now too many sexual related problems making it inevitable for us to begin to discuss it.

However, discussions on sex must be regulated. It shouldn't be generalised. It should not be free for all. We have to deal with our audience based on their need. We can't be discussing a topic that is meant for secondary school students with primary school pupils. We can't be discussing what is meant for the married with bachelors and spinsters. There will be problem. 

Recently, I delivered a lecture at the wedding of our brother, Rosheed Okiki at Saki. Towards the end of the lecture, I was asked to speak briefly about the book Halāl Sex and Intimacy. After speaking on the importance of sex and intimacy in a marriage, I was able to establish the need for sexual orientation for our children from tender age. The aim is to get them ready for the sexual related challenges of our society. We should catch them young by teaching them the stand of Islām on it. What would be discussed with children below 10 is not what would be discussed with those between 10-14. Then, teenagers should be given thorough sexual orientation according to shar'iah. Those preparing for marriage should have their own classes for them to their no go areas. The married people should have their own forum too. In this manner, success will be achieved to a great extent. 

The rate at which our society exposes young people to sex is alarming and none of us can boast that the fitnah can't penetrate his or her home, especially with the advent of the modern means of communication. This is why we have to take the bull by the horn. If we give our children quality education on how to protect themselves from these sexual evils, their tendency of falling into them will be reduced to a great extent. The primary aim is to train them to hate zina and other vices relating to sex. If we don't create time to teach them the right thing at our religious circles, they will come across it elsewhere and get confused.

Be that as it may, we can't still rule out some occurrences no matter how hard we try. We should encourage our children and wards to speak up against any form of sexual molestation no matter who is involved. These days, there are cases of parents molesting their own children, let alone uncles, aunts, cousins and housemaids. Subhanallah! So, shaytān is everywhere. It is hard to trust anyone these days. 

Victims of rape or other forms of molestation don't want to speak out due to fear of stigmatisation. We must be ready to provide them with the kind of confidentiality that will encourage them to speak out to the right people who will not reveal their true identity. Victims must be provided with both physical and mental therapy that will reduce the impact of the incident in their future endeavours. Cases of these nature should not be swept under the carpet. Victims must be rehabilitated and reunited with the society. If cases are reported at the right time, necessary actions can be taken. But when a problem is not reported and rectified, it can lead to bigger problems in the future. Then, it is crucial to bring abusers to book in one way or the other to serve as deterrent to other criminals. Our culture of impunity in this society is why crime keep increasing on daily basis.

The best way to treat problems resulting from sexual molestation is to combine both psychological and theological solutions. There is a need to preach obedience to the injunctions of Allāh and His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم at all time. Some women who are molested may be not find Sex attractive again in their lives if proper care is not take and this can even affect their marriages. Sex is part of marriage, if not the most important part of marriage. It is even a form of ibādah that must be taken seriously. Any woman who is facing sexual challenge in this regard must speak out, because keeping quiet will lead to more problems. No husband will accept sexual molestation as an excuse for not wanting to have sex. In the book Halāl Sex and Intimacy, I discussed "frigidity". The trauma of rape or any other form of sexual molestation can affect a woman's sexual capacity. Each time her husband wants to meet her, she thinks about the incident and get weighed down. Research also shows women who went through Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) can be adversely affected. Some women can also switch off sexually after child birth. These problems exist and they are treatable if victims can speak to experts. 

On the other hand, sexual molestation can lead some people to become wayward for the rest of their lives if care is not taken. Sexual molestation is not also a tenable excuse for promiscuity. Persons who are like this need spiritual reform more than they need psychological reform. They must be ready to quit zina not because of anything, but because it is forbidden and punishable under the sharī'ah or in the hereafter. They should pray hard for them to be saved from this mess. To love to commit zina is a great sexual trial. Some people are like that. They get caught severally, they still go back to it. The best way to correct it is to fear Allāh and His punishments.