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(For Married and Prospective Couples Only)


Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

Author, Halāl Sex and Intimacy

Medically Reviewed By:

Jimoh Olanrewaju Saheed

(MBBS, FMCOG, MWACS, MBA healthcare Mgt).

Consultant Obstetrician/Gynaecologist

Islām values virginity and protection of private parts against unlawful sexual relationships. It is from the signs of being a true believer for a man and a woman to protect themselves from unlawful sexual intercourse. Therefore, pre-marital sex (fornication) and extra-marital sex (adultery) are great evils in sight of Allāh.

(وَٱلَّذِینَ هُمۡ لِفُرُوجِهِمۡ حَـٰفِظُونَ ۝  إِلَّا عَلَىٰۤ أَزۡوَ ٰ⁠جِهِمۡ أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَیۡمَـٰنُهُمۡ فَإِنَّهُمۡ غَیۡرُ مَلُومِینَ ۝  فَمَنِ ٱبۡتَغَىٰ وَرَاۤءَ ذَ ٰ⁠لِكَ فَأُو۟لَـٰۤىِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡعَادُونَ)

And they who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed -But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors - Saheeh International [Surah Al-Mu'minun 5 - 7]

Apart from the fact that zina (fornication and adultery) is sinful, it is an offence that is punishable under the shariah. The punishment for fornication is 100 lashes. The offender would be taken to court. If he or she is found guilty, he or she receives 100 strokes of cane. They are not to be pitied while they are being beaten and the punishment must be witnessed by some of the Muslims so that they can know . Allah says:

ٱلزَّانِیَةُ وَٱلزَّانِی فَٱجۡلِدُوا۟ كُلَّ وَ ٰ⁠حِدࣲ مِّنۡهُمَا مِا۟ئَةَ جَلۡدَةࣲۖ وَلَا تَأۡخُذۡكُم بِهِمَا رَأۡفَةࣱ فِی دِینِ ٱللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمۡ تُؤۡمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡیَوۡمِ ٱلۡـَٔاخِرِۖ وَلۡیَشۡهَدۡ عَذَابَهُمَا طَاۤىِٕفَةࣱ مِّنَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِینَ)

The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse - lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah , if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment. [Surah An-Nur 2]

In addition to canning the fornicators, it is also prescribed in the sunnah to banish the culprits from the community for a year. 'Ubadah bin Samit رضي الله عنه reported that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

 خُذُوا عَنِّي خُذُوا عَنِّي قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَهُنَّ سَبِيلاً الْبِكْرُ بِالْبِكْرِ جَلْدُ مِائَةٍ وَتَغْرِيبُ سَنَةٍ وَالثَّيِّبُ بِالثَّيِّبِ جَلْدُ مِائَةٍ وَالرَّجْمُ

Learn from me. Allah has ordained for them (women) another way. (If) a virgin (commits illegal sexual intercourse) with a virgin, (the punishment is) one hundred lashes and exile for one year. (If) a Thayyib (commits adultery) with a Thayyib (the punishment is) one hundred lashes and stoning. [Sunan Ibn Mājah, 2647]

Sheikh Fawzān said all scholars agree that the punishment of fornicators is cannning, while majority of them support taghreeb (banishment) for one year as indicated in the hadith. 

In a hadith of reported by Jabir ibn Abdillah رضي الله عنه on the virtue of marrying virgins, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم told someone who just got married:

 ‏فَهَلاَّ جَارِيَةً تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ 

Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you? [Saheeh Bukhari, 5079]

In another hadith, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

عَلَيْكُمْ بِالأَبْكَارِ فَإِنَّهُنَّ أَعْذَبُ أَفْوَاهًا وَأَنْتَقُ أَرْحَامًا وَأَرْضَى بِالْيَسِيرِ

You should marry virgins, for their mouths are sweeter, their wombs are more prolific and they are satisfied with less [Sunan Ibn Majah, 1861]

It is however important for new couples, especially those who would be having sex for the first to know and understand some things about their first attempts. I received two different complaints recently from two of our newly married brothers who find penetration of their wives so difficult. From their words, I was able to deduce lack of adequate foreplay. Couples must as a matter of fact explore foreplay as much as possible for maximum lubrication. This would ease penetration and minimise pain. If a woman is still dry after some minutes of foreplay, it might just be that the husband is not touching the erogenous spots in her body as they are to be touched or stimulated. Ibn Qudāmah al-Maqdisi رحمه الله said: 

It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure from intercourse as he does. 

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was reported to have said:

لا ترتموا على نسائكم كالبهائم ، بل اجعلوا بينكم و بينهم رسولاً فقيل: و ما هو الرسول يا رسول الله؟ فاجاب: القبلة

None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you. The Companions exclaimed, What is that messenger? The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, Kisses and (romantic) words! [Reported by Al-Daylami]

Although this hadith is declared to be munkar by Sheikh Nasiruddeen Al-Albāni رحمه الله in his "Silsilah Daifah (6075), many scholars of Islām have held its content to be sahih (authentic) because there verses of the Qur'ān and some other hadiths validating the message therein. For instance, Allāh said:

(هُنَّ لِبَاسࣱ لَّكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ لِبَاسࣱ لَّهُنَّۗ)

They are apparel for you, and you are apparel for them. [Surah Al-Baqarah 187]

Al-Imām Ibn al Qayyim رحمه الله said:

وممَّا ينبغى تقديُمُه على الجِماع : ملاعبةُ المرأة ، وتقبيلُها ، ومصُّ لِسانها ، وكان رسول الله صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُلاعبُ أهله ، ويُقَبلُها

And from what should precede sex is fondling by way of kissing her and sucking her tongue. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon) him used to fondle and kiss his wives. [Zaad al Maad 4/253]

Although lubricants can be helpful in foreplay, couples should not be quick to use it. In case of need therefore, they may go for natural oil like "Ayu oil". But experts prefer the use of water based lubricants to oil based lubricants. Women must be very careful of what they insert in the vagina. However, if a woman is finding it hard to get wet, she may use some natural medicines or fruits that induce wetness (eg gorontula); but this should be a last resort. She is not expected to use anything if she can attain wetness naturally. Her husband is bound to master the art of foreplay and be diligent upon it.

Then, there is a question of whether or not blood must be discharged when a woman is being disvirgined. I got a message from a sister recently on this. She said her husband is a keen follower of an Instagram channel where he learnt that bleeding on the first sexual experience implies virginity and that penetration cannot be achieved on the first attempt.

In the case of this lady, her husband disvirgined her on the first attempt and they didn't see any blood. She wanted to know if it is possible for a woman to be disvirgined on first attempt and without seeing blood. The main issue here is that her husband started doubting her virginity because he didn't see any blood. He told her to tell him the truth, that he will forgive her (obviously for lying she was a virgin). She told him she had never had sex before and that he was the first she would meet. This is one of the effect of reading and trusting all social media materials or reports without proper verification. Many marriages have been destroyed as a result of this. Let us be careful.

In this scenario, there are several possibilities. While it is important to give the woman benefit of doubt, there is no scientific proof to conclude a woman can't be disvirgined on a first attempt. Some women can be disvirgined at once, and in some cases, it can take days. I have been contacted on cases of this nature and the book Halāl Sex and Intimacy has proven to be effective in solving this problem. In the same vein, there is no proof to show that couples must see blood on their first sex attempt. 

Therefore, it is perfectly normal if a woman does not bleed on first sex attempt. The notion that a woman must bleed during first penetrative sex is unscientific. What makes women to bleed on first sex is the stretching or tearing of hymen. The hymen is the thin skin that covers the entrance to the vagina. It is possible for a woman to have her hymen torn without even noticing. The hymen could have stretched and torn as a result of exercise. 

Then, a woman can lose her hymen through masturbation. It is therefore important to be careful of this secret habit in order to avoid stories that touch. Some women are even born without hymen. Some very few women are also born with what is called "imperforate hymen" which can affect their menstruation and can make sexual penetration difficult with them. Any woman with this nature of hymen must see a doctor for it to be adjusted.

The fact that no blood shows on first sex experience does not necessarily mean that the woman is promiscuous or that she had been sexually active. As mentioned earlier, in order to have a hitch-free first sex experience, experts have prescribed that the new couple should master foreplay. They should be gentle with each other and do things slowly.

The couple should kiss and suck each other where necessary and appropriate. A very effective foreplay will make the vagina to be wet naturally without even using any lubricant. So, a man who is good at foreplay is likely to find penetration easy on his first or subsequent sex with his wife and they may or may not see any blood on their first experience.


  1. Well-written, adequately explained and succinctly illustrated. BaarokaLlahu feekum wa feenah!

  2. Ummmh. On point. Barakallaah feeh.

  3. Sighs. May Allah ease our affairs... Thanks for the knowledge...
    Baarakallahu feekum

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