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Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

If a woman is left to fend for herself, some of her conjugal duties will suffer, no doubt. This is what every man must think about. However, it is very important to weigh all options before deciding to embark on divorce.  Divorce is full of pains. It is not easy to train children in an unstable home.

I delivered an online talk on 'The Halāl Sex' for NASFAT, National Headquarters on Sunday. I said if intimacy is removed from marriage, especially when the other party is still very much active and without any good reason, there will be a big problem. If a man or woman is starved of food, he or she can get it somewhere else. At worse, he or she can beg people for food. But when a man or woman is starved of intimacy, he or she can't beg a stranger for it. It is harām. 

A man should strive to be responsible not only in the bedroom, but in other aspects of his conjugal duties. In fact, in most cases, a man may not enjoy bedroom affairs with his wife if he is irresponsible in some other important aspects. 

It has been discovered that one of the factors responsible for hypoactive sexual dysfunction disorder (HSDD) in both men and women is when a couple maltreat each other. He beats or abuses his wife and would later want to sleep with her, it is not easy. She disobeys her husband and she would later want him to attend to her sexual need, it can be very annoying.

If a man or woman doesn't take good care of his or her spouse, he or she can even lose interest in sex with him or her completely. A woman might just be submissive in the act with zero interest because she is not happy with her man. She might just be doing in order not to sin against Allāh, and this is not how it should be. For sex to serve its sharī'ah purpose in a marriage, it requires the mutual interest and concentration of both parties.

Allāh says:

(ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّ ٰ⁠مُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَاۤءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضࣲ وَبِمَاۤ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنۡ أَمۡوَ ٰ⁠لِهِمۡۚ)

[Surah An-Nisa' 34]

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