ENGLISH TRANSCRIPTION OF THE BBC YORUBA INTERVIEW WITH ABDULLATEEF LANRE ABDULLAHI (AUTHOR OF HALĀL SEX AND INTIMACY)

Link to the BBC video: https://youtu.be/aicF3d1gIfg

Transcribed By: 

Sulaiman Olayinka Saddiq

Edited By: 

Hanafi Abdulkadir

My name is Abdullateef Lanre Abdullahi. I studied Law at the University of Ilorin and I am also a student of Islamic knowledge.

I focus on marital counseling with specific interest in marital intimacy and sex therapy.

I am also a Legal Practitioner in Nigeria, but I do more of marital counselling and sex therapy. I counsel couples on how to enjoy themselves (sexually) without challenges.

Intimacy between husband and wife is a very important matter in marriage.

You will see that when people are getting prepared for marriage, they make preparation  for several needs, but when it comes to sex and intimacy, people are usually mute and passive about it, without giving it the deserved attention.

A lot of couples are facing problems in their marriages while this (sex) is the major problem between them.

We attended a gathering some time ago and the questions people asked were quite incredible. One of the questions is: “Is sex food?”

Many among those who responded said: "It (i.e sex) is actually much more than food." When we also conducted a  research and checked through (Islamic) books, we discovered one of the prominent foremost scholars named Ibn Taymiyyah equally said "it (i.e. sex) is more than food".

This is because before you married your wife, she's being fed, clothed and satisfied/taken care of in her father’s house. She only came to your house to get what they could not offer her. And this is nothing but sex and intimacy.

Sex is very important in a marriage such that if its missing in any marriage, then such marriage is useless/fruitless, perhaps there are certain issues (dysfunctions) with either the husband or the wife, which prevent them from enjoying sexual intimacy while there are solutions to those problems.

There are no challenges without solutions. So, one of those things that makes sex a problem between husband and wife in our society is shyness. We often display shyness where we are not supposed to.

Shyness is an essential aspect of our religion. Husband and wife should display/demonstrate bashfulness when they are outside. They should dress well. (The wife should) wear the Hijab and the Niqab. This is highly encouraged and praiseworthy especially in the religion (of Islām).

But when both husband and wife are at home, they should enjoy themselves to the fullest. They should be open and interactive with each other. When communication gap develops in a marriage especially if it revolves around sex, it would inevitably cause problems.

We are now seeing some things that are happening in our society *recently. Those things have happened long ago.  The men believe they have control over the women (with respect to sexual gratification/enjoyment). They are the ones to voice out they aren't (sexually) satisfied. They open up (to their wives) on how they feel.

But it is saddening to find out that women dare not speak out or complain when not satisfied. Without deceiving ourselves, most women do not easily get satisfied sexually while they are unable to make demands due to shyness. Such shyness is not beneficial.

What we even want people to know is that a lot of men are the reason why their wives are not comfortable and free with them. A wife is supposed to be free with her husband.

Anyone who has a wife (should know that) he did not marry a slave. He is married to a wife. They should be able to enjoy a mutual discussion. If she is not sexually satisfied, it is compulsory upon the husband to do what will make her get satisfied. You should do what will make her enjoy sex adequately because if she does not, there is problem.

One of the solutions we offer those who consult us, particularly the newly married couples, is that they have a lot of opportunities. This is because they are just starting (a marital life). They have the opportunity to begin on a good note.

We have a lot of processes/trainings (the couple would pass through) and we do talk to them on how they can enjoy themselves better.

One of the things both husband and wife should not play with is what is called sexual hygiene. How both husband and wife should take care of themselves physically. This is not restricted to the cleanliness of the private parts alone, but encompasses the general cleanliness of the body.

If both husband and wife regularly take good care of their bodies, this  would obviously facilitates sexual intimacy between them at all times.

Taking care of the body also has something to do with the type of clothe  we wear, what type of footwear we put on, to the extent of the type of underwear we put on such as pants, bras, and boxers for the males.

You’ll find a man wearing a single boxer for five days, or one week or even more than that. Anyone who does this will not be desired by his wife. Also, there are some women that are dirty. Things like these usually repel the men (i.e. from having intimacy their wivess).

Just as the man (is required to take care of himself), same is applicable to the woman.

One big mistake common among women in our society is that; they dress nicely and attractively whenever they are going out. The shameless/careless husband will even take pictures of her. Unfortunately, those dressings she supposed to display to her husband alone, she takes all the beauty outside. And when she is inside where intimacy takes place, she wouldn't dress attractively/seductively for her husband to come close.

Therefore, we implore our women to distant themselves from all these anomalies. A woman is expected to dress seductively for her husband at home. She is not supposed to dress in such manner for outsiders. May Allāh have mercy on us.

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To get your copy of the book *Halāl Sex and Intimacy*, contact +2348158301855 (Whatsapp Only).