MUSLIM WOMEN AND MARITAL RESPONSIBILITIES

By

Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

There are increasing cases of young women being lazy in cooking, house chores and not having interest in intimacy. This has led to several cases of divorce. There are many things a woman can do to please her husband. The prominent among them are home management which includes cooking and cleaning; obedience and loyalty; respect and honour; then sex. Before a woman thinks of marriage, she needs to be prepared for all these duties, otherwise there will be problems. 

I have a number of cases of wives not liking sex on my desk. If this is the only problem, it can be solved through some tested and trusted mechanisms. A husband once told me about his wife, "she is one of the best things that has happened to me in life, the only issue is sex". This makes the task easy because all I need to do is to prescribe "Halāl Sex and Intimacy" to them to boost her sexual interest and learn different ways sex can be approached Islamically. It might just be a problem of ignorance or lack of exposure. But if the sexual problem is accompanied with disrespect or disobedience; and laziness in cooking or cleaning without any reasonable excuse, such as pregnancy pain, postpartum stress, sickness etc., there is big problem. 

Husbands facing irresponsibility issues from their wives should try to call them to order using the various methods prescribed under the sharī'ah, such as private admonition (communication); withdrawal from intimacy; counselling and involvement of parents and elders in extreme cases. Allāh says:

وَا لّٰتِيْ تَخَا فُوْنَ نُشُوْزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوْهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوْهُنَّ فِى الْمَضَا جِعِ وَا ضْرِبُوْهُنَّ ۚ فَاِ نْ اَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوْا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيْلًا ۗ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ كَا نَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيْرًا

But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. [QS. An-Nisaa: Verse 34]

If all these fail to work, such a man can marry additional wife if he is capable. He should avoid divorcing the erring wife especially if they already have children. Sometimes, polygyny helps some women to wake up to their responsibilities because they know there husband has another place to go to. But if the man is not capable of practicing polygyny,he would not have any other choice than to divorce. Divorce is difficult and seddening. But it is better for couples to go for it if it becomes inevitable rather than making life miserable for each other.

Some people may ask, what if the next wife also happens to be the same as first wife? She can also be either divorced or married upon after exhausting the procedures to resolve her issues. Some may also say, what if the man is the one who is irresponsible, the woman also has option of divorce after exhausting all efforts to get him corrected. She does not have option of polyandry because it is not Islamic.

Couples must be prepared to play their roles, otherwise marriage will be meaningless.