INTIMACY AS A MAJOR COMPONENT IN MARRIAGE

18+ 

By

Ustadh Kabir Al-Asfar

Intimacy is a major component of marriages. A Muslim, man or woman, cannot get it outside of wedlock as this is Zina. Hence, we should have principled focus on this. Sex is almost mechanical for men, it doesn't take much effort to be aroused and it even takes lesser effort to attain sexual gratification or satisfaction. It's not so for women or some women. 

She needs to be emotionally positive with you before she allows you take her. And even after marriage when she has reasons for not being emotionally in tune with you, she won't be enjoying sex , even if she makes herself available. This availability also begins to dwindle as such emotional stressor continues.  

When we share bed with our partner we need to understand that this is the closest we will get with a fellow human being , our body has odours , smells that we may not even be aware of. Take for instance , the beard smells if it's wet, has food particles in it , or even picks up odours you may be unaware of. And at times you are oblivious of this odour. Your partner will be aware. Our clothing too. Particularly our inner wears. For both spouses it is essential we take care of personal hygiene Particularly when your spouse is calling your attention to it. 

It doesn't make any sense, if your partner tells you she wants you to touch her in a certain way ( which is not haram) and you flat out refuse. Or even doesn't want you to do it in a way. Again, s/he won't be getting this elsewhere. You're the only one especially in a monogamous relationship.  

There's no reason to feel ego-bruised if your partner is telling you she hasn't derived the maximum satisfaction, it's rather a time for discussions on how to make it better. Ideally , sex improves with time in marriage, and there's always room for improvement, so you wont be needing any external support apart from the teo of you. The only time you need help will be if there are underlying medical or emotional reasons militating against intimacy. 

Talk to your partner. Ask matured people. Consult a doctor if need be. A sexually unsatisfied partner is an angry partner. If Zina becomes an alternative because of sexual inadequacy, she can demand for a separation. 

Do it properly.

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