MUSLIM PARENTS AND THE TRIAL OF PRACTICING SUNNAH: MY PERSONAL ACCOUNT

 

By

Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

16th July, 2020

Like we have been emphasizing, it is not in all cases that parents insist on opposing the Sunnah and its adherents. In some cases I have had the opportunity to witness and play active roles, we later discovered that some parents only first oppose their children who are upon Sunnah in order to know what they are really upon. Although the issue of "ikunle" (kneeling down) is very strong in their minds because they do not understand it, some parents really want to know if their children actually know what they are doing. They want to make sure they are not in the wrong hands. 

Let me use my own case as an example. I have been hearing Sunnah lectures as far back as 2001 when Prof. Badmas Lanre Yusuf took me to Dr. Abdurrahmān Imām Ahmad (now a Professors, popularly known as "Prof. Kakuri"). Before then, I was very close to Sheikh Ameen Ibrahim (Baba Madeenah). If not the first, he was one of those who made the bold step to preach Sunnah in public in Ilorin and several parts of Yorubaland, without minding whose Ox is gored. This is why the book I am currently editing (50 COMMON BID'AH IN OUR SOCIETY) is dedicated to him. May Allāh forgive and have mercy on him, and may the book see the light of the day. 

I cut all my trousers in 2012 while I was in Abuja. I started growing beards and I was determined to learn and preach Sunnah. But the biggest challenge in my religious life came when I was to return to Ilorin in 2013 after securing a job. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. My parent didn't know I had changed. Sheikh Yahya AbdulBaqi used to tell us about the internal war he faced against Sunnah and how he tackled it. I was getting prepared too. When it was obvious that I had chosen a new life, everyone started attacking me in the family. I had series of debates with my siblings and cousins. 

One day, I returned from family house, my Mum saw and she was very angry with me. She said I should go and change back to how I was before accepting Sunnah. She complained about my trousers, and my not kneeling to greet. She cried over me that day. I was also crying while trying to explain to her. She wouldn't listen. She wasn't prepared to listen. She said the only way I could make her happy was to do as she instructed. I had to keep quiet so that she would not curse me because I had never seen her being angry as that before. My Dad also did almost the same thing my Mum did to me in his room. I tried to explain, he said he doesn't want to hear anything. 

When it became obvious that I would not change, no matter what, a family meeting was called. In that meeting, they told me the kind of history I never heard before in my life. They told me how they suffered over me as a young child ~ how I fainted one day and he (my father) had to lift me in his hands without any footwear and ran to the closest hospital. All these were with a bid to pass a message across to me. They all spoke with one voice. They said they can allow every other thing from me, but they will never accept me not kneeling down for them. I didn't say anything to them. I realized they were not even ready to listen to me. I was so sad.

That night was a night of sadness and sorrow for me. I started remembering what Sheikh Yaḥyā had told me about his own Dad too (A professor of Arabic). I cried alone that night till I slept off. The good thing was that my mind was still firm that I will not abandon the Sunnah. I wrote an article that night. The article was published and distributed at the wedding of my brother, Hanafi AbdulKadir. A day after, I told Sheikh Yaḥyā what had happened to me the previous night. He admonished me to be patient and pray that Allāh makes things easy. 

Another meeting was called shortly before my wedding. This time, some scholars who were close to my Dad were present. There was no single 'Ahlus Sunnah' scholar in the panel. I knew the sitting was not properly constituted. I had no one to support me. They complained bitterly about my insistence to stick to the Sunnah. The major issue that day as usual the act of not kneeling down to greet my parent and my insistence on not doing Waleematul Qur'an on my wedding day. I was patient. I didn't talk much. I only reminded the scholars who were present of their obligation to say the truth and fear Allāh because it was a matter involving father and son.

After my wedding, my love for Sunnah increased. I kept doing my best to be good to my parents and relatives and I was using it as tawassul. I was praying for freedom to practise Sunnah the way I love to. My wife too supported me fully. She started wearing full hijab. The audios of Abu Nāsir became our companion in the home. I later realised my Dad wanted to be very sure that I was not following Alfa Jabata. I tried to prove that to him beyond reasonable doubt. I gave him one article I wrote against Alfa Jabata's group and he read it. He knew I was close to Prof. Alaro and some other Sunni scholars in Ilorin. He told me specifically that he feared not losing me to any of the takfeeri groups and I allayed his fears. 

As much as he had left me to tread this path (Salafiyyah), he was still not comfortable with the issue of kneeling down. But during the naming of my first daughter (Rahmah), Prof. Alaro came and give a lecture. During that lecture, he said some things about Sunnah that pacified my Dad and he gave up all his concerns that day. Since then, he doesn't complain about kneeling again.

Now, the issue of kneeling down is gone for good and my relationship with my parent is good. May Allāh not make us to lose our parent's pleasure. Whenever they are doing anything that has basis in the Sunnah, we make it a duty upon ourselves to participate fully. But in any matter that is founded upon bid'ah, we stay clear. Up till today,we now understand one another. They know what me and my wife will not join them to do and they don't force us to engage in them. We are best of friends, yet we don't kneel down for them. The same thing with my in-laws. We try to deal with one another politely so that they can see the beauty of Sunnah in us. All praise is due to Allah, they haven't been laying any complaint against us and our actions.

Recently, I was involved in a case of a sister whose father insisted that he would never give her daughter to a brother who will not kneel down. The sister came to confide in me. Myself and Ustadh Husein Yaḥyā reported the case to Sheikh Eleyinla, who asked us to look for someone who is close to the lady's father. There is great benefit in referring matters to elders. We got a brother, a lecturer at Kwara Polytechnic. He happens to be the best friend of her Dad. We had a meeting with him at Dr. Eleyinla's house, but nothing positive came out of it. The father was still adamant. The brother that wanted to marry the sister also came to my office severally, I advised both of them on patience and du'a. I must confess that they have been really patient. I told them to always be good towards their parents.

As Allah had decreed, I attend a naming at the family house of one of my friends who works with CBN. I was leaving the gathering when a sister came to me and introduced herself in the presence of my friend. She happened to be the same sister we had been on her case. I didn't know her by face. We used to communicate through the phone. Coincidentally, my friend happened to be her uncle. I then used that opportunity to discuss her matter with my friend. My friend took the bold steps to get some elders in the family to speak to her Dad. Just few days ago, my friend informed that her Dad has accepted to give her out to the brother. I was filled with joy. The brother and the sister have also called me to confirm the father's approval.

My advice for anyone who is facing attacks from his or her parent on the practice of Sunnah is to be calm, patient and prayerful. Sometimes, we seem to be very much in haste. This case is very delicate. It should not be handled with stubbornness and arrogance. It should be handled with care and good character.

May Allāh guide us aright.

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