CO-WIVES RELATIONSHIP AND PATIENCE UPON OPPRESSION

By

Lateefah Adewumi Jumah-Lajfingers

20th August 2022

An audio message has been flying around WhatsApp especially. The message in the audio is so powerful, enlightening, eye-opening, inspirational and thought provoking. I would have loved to convert the audio to video to be able to share on Facebook but for reasons that the voice of the woman who shared the audio should be protected and lots more.

What's the message?

It's about co-wives relationships and patience in the face of oppression. 

The elderly woman shared the true life story of three co-wives - all munaqabas. When the husband was about to take the third wife, the first and the second wives decided to sabotage his effort, saying the man taking a third wife shouldn't happen at all. When they couldn't do that, they decided to plot against the third wife. Both wives and the woman who narrated the story were crochet makers. So, they made a crochet cap and laced it with sihr. They gave the cap to her as a gift and even put it on her head.

The effect was a sudden sickness which later took her life. They even went to pay her family a condolence visit and the family, having sought the help of soothsayers were suspicious of the two of them, hence they said in their presence that they were going to evoke the anger of their dead daughter (What they call riro oku in Yoruba)

The first and the second wives were scared but the narrator wasn't sure if the family later invoked the spirit of the dead woman (all these are shirk in Islam)

Two years later, the first wife came up with a strange illness which took her life. A year after that, the third wife was a pap seller and a particular munaqaba used to buy pap from her every evening around Isha time. So on a particular day, the family was forced to ask this buyer where she always comes from and why she always came at that time everyday without fail. She replied that her location was far away and they were all surprised as to why someone would come from that far distance just to buy 50 naira pap as she always does. They even asked her if there was no one selling pap around her location and she replied there was but their place was her choice.

So, on a particular day again, she came as usual, around the time she was leaving, the electricity was restored and she unveiled for the second wife who screamed the name of the dead first wife and fainted. After regaining consciousness, she narrated to her family that the woman who always comes to buy pap was her late co-wife and that she saw her face vividly since there was illumination. How come? Her family was surprised.

And unfortunately, she also came up with a strange illness after the incident. But before she died, she confessed to the husband and children the horrible thing she did to the third wife in conjunction with the first wife. According to the narrator, the husband is still living as of today and has moved on with another woman.

Three lives wasted because of excessive jealousy. And worst still, a bleak hereafter awaits the first and second wives because only Allah can decide their faith. And I ask myself, to what end? Why should you harm your co-wife because you don't want to share your husband with her? Why should you enter hellfire because of a man? Subhanallah!

The elderly woman said a lot of things. In fact, her message is directed to the Muslim womenfolk. She preached to us patience and fear of Allah. She preached to us steadfastness and righteousness. She touched many areas. She sighted loads of true life examples to buttress her points. She also narrated the story of a first wife who subjected the second wife to slavery and how the second wife reaped the reward of her patience through her children and how the first wife also received her punishment through her children. Whatever you do, let's remember tomorrow. What's our tomorrow? Our children! What seed are you sowing for your children to reap? Good or bad? The other day, I posted an article about curses (Epe) and how I asked my ustadh if Allah will revisit the sin of the parent upon the child. He said there's nothing like that but Allah can use the children to punish the parents to pay for their sins. Can you now see that both are interrelated? And I repeat, what are you sowing for your children to reap? Goodness or badness? The day of reaping is coming. And the woman also said something that brought tears to my eyes. She said, 'the day the oppressed stops crying will be the day the oppressor's tears begin. I interpret this to mean that the oppressed always become victorious in the end while the oppressor will be consumed by their wickedness. Let's reflect on this.

The woman poked our conscience on a lot of things. If you're the first wife who always ties the husband's hand and body from discharging his responsibilities on his other wives, remember you also have children. The day of reaping is coming. If you're the second or subsequent wife who turns the husband against his existing wife and children, remember you also have children. You cannot sow onion and reap tomato, never!

The woman made us realise that men are weak. It is in their weakness to put one wife over the other. It is in their weakness to be intoxicated about a new wife. It is in their weakness to be unjust. It is in their weakness to fall for women's manipulation. She urged women to combat these challenges with patience and prayers instead of going diabolical or resorting to manipulations and other dirty games. It is important to know when you're the oppressor and when you're the victim of oppression. And importantly, do not forget the prayer of the oppressed as it has no obstruction from being answered. And most importantly, do not forget to sow a good seed for your children to reap. Don't think about the joy of today, think about your tomorrow which is your children, and your deeper tomorrow, which is your hereafter.

Let's fear Allah and tread softly. And remember the ultimate success is Jannah. Don't destroy it because of a man. Men too should fear Allah as Allah will not spare the unjust!