DEALING WITH A CO-WIFE

 

©Ibn Abdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

"Sympathetic Polygyny"

It is not good to keep malice with co-wife or relate with each other like strangers. Whatever the issue is, the best thing is to settle it. The husband is expected to play a very important role here. The wives might not be best of friends, but at the same time, they should not be enemies. The relationship between co-wives should normally go beyond just tasleem (greeting). Co-wives are of the same family. They have a lot of goodness to achieve together. We saw this in the way our parents and grandparents practised polygyny when we were growing up. But the situation now is really disturbing.

Keeping ties of kinship is wājib (mandatory). Cutting ties with a co-wife is like severing ties of kinship and it is a grievous sin that can attract Allāh's punishment. Even if a co-wife proves difficult, still do good to her and leave the rest for Allāh to judge. That is the advice of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم on keeping tie of kinship. Don't think you can fight for yourself. When you do good to someone who does evil to you in the family, it is like feeding them with ashes as mentioned by the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in a Hadith.

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ أَنَّ رَجُلاً قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَىَّ وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَىَّ فَقَالَ لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلاَ يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللَّهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ ‏

Abu Hurayrah reported that a man said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to relate but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they treat me badly. I am forbearing with them, but they are harsh with me.” The Prophet, peace, and blessings are upon him, said, “If it is as you say, then it is as if you threw hot ashes at them. Allah will be with you as a supporter as long as you remain like so.” [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2558]