ENDURANCE OF EVILS OF MARRIAGE

IbnAbdillah As-sudaisiy Al-Iloori

Poverty is dangerous. May Allāh save us from it. It can make a man or woman to remain in an abusive, dangerous or unwanted marriage after all options are weighed. When the culprit of evils in a marriage is the provider for the family, it is always difficult for the victim to opt out considering the economic situation of our country. Some know what their wives are doing is not good, but dare not talk because they are not in control of the family financially. When the wife is the one paying school fees, will the man be able to object when the kids are taken to a wrong school? May Allāh not test us with this kind of situation. Both men and women can be affected, but the case of women is worse because they are original dependants by law.

A woman that I know very well attempted a divorce to free herself from the bondage of her husband (an unrepentant sorcerer). The woman caught him severally with clear and incontrovertible evidences. She would warned him, and he would still return to his Sihr (Magic practice). Ustadh Kabir Al Asfar can remember this case. No one will listen to some of the audios of incantations of the man without ordering the woman to flee from him immediately. Sincerly, she actually fled when the trial was at its peak. But she had to return to him due to pressure from her family who lack understanding of Sunnah and would not understand that sorcerers hardly repent. The family is not even buoyant enough to accommodate her. Few days after the husband had withdrawn all financial supports, hunger started and we couldn't do much to help her. Ustadh Ibn Hajar raised some money through Al-Awn, it wasn't enough to cater for her and her children. She had to return to the man at the end.

I have to narrate this short story so that our brothers and sisters who are not yet married can open their eyes. Don't just follow any man or woman without your thinking cap. Marriage is not all about money or status. Sound 'aqeedah and methodology is very important. Don't go for anyone who patronises sorcerers, even Jalabi people. Make sure the person you are about to marry is truly and confirmably upon Sunnah. Look well before you leap. Be patient, don't rush, consult as many people as possible, so that you would not become a sad case that other people would have to learn from.

Poverty is not a good thing. We should always pray against it and make sure we empower ourselves with a job, no matter how small. Poverty can make someone to misbehave, it can make someone to endure nonsense in the name of patience. Poverty can even make someone to become shameless or even abandon his or her faith.

At this moment, wealth creation is very important for both men and women, of course within the boundaries of the sharī'ah. Don't allow anyone to deceive you that you can't own your own source of income. You only need to fear Allāh, be careful and be guided by the texts of the sharī'ah and scholarly views. Many women have been rendered helpless with some extreme view. Although, a woman is generally expected to depend on her husband for upkeep, no sharī'ah ruling stops a woman from earning legitimately without contravening the texts of the sharī'ah. Due to some of these exceptional cases where many women are turned to beggars after divorce or husband's death, I think our women need to be empowered in line with the sharī'ah. Some women are even married in law, but financially and emotionally, they can't be truly said to be married because their husbands are not ready to shoulder any responsibility.

If the woman in this scenario had something to do or at least financial support from her family or the Ummah, she wouldn't have considered going back to such a dangerous marriage. She would have taken her time and probably waited for a better person to marry her. Unfortunately, this is the case of many women in our society today. They are forced to endure both spiritual and worldly hardships because they are afraid of divorce. Many of those who are bold enough to quit toxic marriages are facing serious challenges, including sexual and economic frustrations.

The institution of polygyny is supposed to be one of the solutions to this problem. But unfortunately, apart from the fact that it is expensive in our present time due to some extreme standards women have unilaterally set for themselves, it is facing great resistance from many women. Very few of them are ready to accept this decree of Allāh. Many of them only become advocates of polygyny when they become helpless. Then, the poor manner by which many men are operating it in our society is extremely worrisome.

Please, let us reflect together. May Allāh guide us aright.